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| Kids |
There’s been a number of good threads in the past about having kids or not. I wanted to ask again, though, for any advice for my specific situation. I’m almost 30, in a stable relationship, and, frankly, I don’t want kids. I don’t like kids. I’m hearing the siren song of “it’s different when they’re yours” and “you’ll regret it when you’re older”
I hesitate to narrow down my audience, because everyone from all walks of life can have a beneficial input, but what I’d really like is to have a sampling of men who are 50 or older and who didn’t want and/or didn’t like kids when they were 30. Of that group, for those that didn’t have kids, did you regret it? And if you did have kids, did you regret that?
Aside from that, I’ve also been reading some books that have been recommended in other threads, including “Maybe Baby” (ok, good read but not as decision helpful), “The Parenthood Decision” (assumes everyone wants kids, but the most helpful book I’ve read so far), and “I want kids, he doesn't” (propaganda piece, not recommended).
Are there any other books you can recommend? I’d like to avoid one sided books from either side (which is why I’ve tried to avoid both the childfree and babies are best propaganda pieces). Books which balance both sides in a realistic way seem most helpful.
I’m feeling the touch of age and tiredness beginning to arrive. I don’t want to find myself old and regretfully of a life “missed”, so any experiences and advice would be great.
John
So here’s a thought. If you continue looking at books that are “unbiased” you’ll never get any closer to a decision. You’ll get overwhelmed with data, and that’s a great way to never make a decision. And it doesn’t sound like you really need more data since you’ve been researching this question for years. The question you are asking is inherently unanswerable - will you “like” your choice when you’re 50 or will you “regret” it? No one can answer that because every situation is unique. I think you need to decide, once and for all, are you willing to make a decision and live with the consequences of that decision? If you decide to (or accidentally) have one or more children, you need to make the absolute best of the situation. Regret is merely a desire to have a life other than your own, and who doesn’t? If you decide not to have children, then you have to make the best of that choice. Many have been happy on both paths. I don’t think it’s the path you choose, but how you walk that path that determines whether you’ll enjoy or regret your decision later.
3 Dec 2009 (Thu) @ 1:25 PM (PST)
Steve - email
I agree. Maybe it’s the computer programmer in me that says there is no problem that can’t be solved with enough data and enough data analysis.
3 Dec 2009 (Thu) @ 2:51 PM (PST)
